raising kids who feel deeply, without overwhelm

Parenting a child who experiences emotions intensely can feel overwhelming, but understanding how their feelings work is the first step toward connection, calm, and confidence. Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy describes “deeply feeling kids” as children who experience emotions with extraordinary intensity, escalate quickly, stay upset for longer periods, and often struggle to self-soothe. These children don’t need fixing; they need their feelings seen, acknowledged, and guided in ways that honour their sensitivities.

During big emotional moments, what Dr. Kennedy calls “mega reactions”, the most potent tool a parent can offer is a calm, steady presence. Instead of trying to solve the problem or explain why your child’s feelings are “wrong,” simply staying with them communicates safety and support. Developmentally, children’s brains are still learning to regulate emotions, and the nervous system responds to a grounded caregiver by slowly learning that intense feelings can be managed. Providing a predictable and contained space allows your child to feel secure and understood rather than judged or corrected.

Creating a stable environment is equally essential. Dr. Kennedy introduces “emotional vaccination”, preparing children for upcoming changes using clear explanations, visual aids like calendars, and gentle reminders. Predictable routines, sufficient sleep, and consistent boundaries give deeply feeling kids the structure they thrive on. Neuroscience shows that regular routines help the brain build neural pathways for regulation and predictability, supporting emotional stability over time (learn more about the science behind emotional intensity here).

Your own mindset and behaviour play a pivotal role. Practicing “sturdy leadership”, being firm yet warm, even if it takes a little “faking it” at first, creates a sense of safety for your child. Modelling empathy, calm problem-solving, and healthy coping strategies teaches children how to navigate their own emotions and relate to others. Research in social-emotional development confirms that children learn regulation and interpersonal skills by observing trusted adults in action.

For parents ready to explore these strategies further, Dr. Kennedy’s practical scripts and full resources for handling intense emotions can be found on her Good Inside blog.